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It’s hard being a parent when you’re living with domestic and family violence every single day. You’re probably trying to work out what’s best for your children while also trying to avoid more violence.
You may be afraid that he might hurt the kids if you don’t do what he tells you. You may be scared that if you run away with the children, he’ll find you, get custody of the kids, and never let you see them again. You may be fearful that your children might be taken away from you if you tell the police about the violence.
Or you may be thinking, “How can I take the children away from their father - they love him” or “How will I manage on my own when he earns all the money?”.
You are trying to protect the kids as best you can. Yet even if they’re not there to witness the violence or get hit and yelled at, they hear and they know what is happening even if they’re hiding in their bedrooms. This affects your child’s physical and emotional health and wellbeing.
Children can’t feel safe if you, their mum, is being hurt. They will feel sad, frightened or helpless. They may try to protect you, feel angry, blame you, or think the violence is their fault.
You are not to blame. You and your kids have a right to be free from abuse and violence. No matter what you do, no one should hurt you or make you feel unworthy. You and your children deserve a safe and a happy home.
If someone is hurting you and treating you badly, they’re the ones doing the wrong thing. It's against the law to hurt another person, even when the person inflicting the violence is a partner, ex-partner, husband, brother, uncle or father.
Domestic violence can also include making threats about the custody of your children, and saying that the police and courts will not believe you or help you.
You can get help. It’s ok to ask for help. You are not alone.
Talk to someone. Call a support service, they will listen to you. They want to help you and your children be safe. For example, if you call the Domestic Violence Line, a trained female counsellor can help you:
If you are in immediate danger – if your life or your child’s life is being threatened – call 000 and ask for the police.
Make a safety plan. A safety plan is a guide for staying safe from violence. Safety planning is not about how to cope with living in fear, it’s about taking steps to keep you and your children safe. A safety plan would include:
Find more information on how to create a safety plan for you and your children.
If you decide to leave, a refuge is a safe place where you and your children can go if you need somewhere to stay. This can give you some time to think about what you want to do. You can also stay with friends or people you trust. The Domestic Violence Line can help find a refuge for you and your children and help you think about the options available.
Being exposed to violence has such a huge and negative impact to a child. They may feel depressed and scared, not sleep well, self-harm, become aggressive, and struggle with school. Kids may also try to copy the violent behaviour.
Having you or another trusted family member in child’s life who is warm and caring will make a positive difference for your child. You can:
There are things your children can do, depending on how old they are.
The Domestic Violence Line, or DV Line, is for women and persons who identify as female. When you call, you’ll talk to a trained female counsellor who’ll listen and won’t blame you.
1800Respect is a confidential information, counselling, support and referral service. You can talk to a trained counsellor about sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse.
If your kids feel they need support and counselling, the Kids Helpline is open 24/7. It provides counselling and support for children and young people under the age of 25.
09 Feb 2022
We acknowledge Aboriginal people as the First Nations Peoples of NSW and pay our respects to Elders past, present, and future.
Informed by lessons of the past, Department of Communities and Justice is improving how we work with Aboriginal people and communities. We listen and learn from the knowledge, strength and resilience of Stolen Generations Survivors, Aboriginal Elders and Aboriginal communities.
You can access our apology to the Stolen Generations.